Lately I have been thinking about happiness and what it is that makes any of us happy. When I look back on my life at my own definitions of what might bring me happiness, I realize as an overweight twenty-one year old college student, I used to think that if I was thinner I could be happier because it would be easier to find a special someone to love me. A little later in life, as a young pastor, I was sure that if I could find the perfect congregation – one that had more volunteers than opportunities, one committed to and excited about mission and evangelism, one where everybody loved me and I loved everybody and most important, one where there was no such thing as conflict – I would be happy. Later I came to believe that if the church could pay me more so I could afford my own home, I would be happy. Once children came along, I believed that if I could give them everything that other parents seemed to be able to afford to give their children, we would all be happy. When my first marriage was falling apart after sixteen years, I believed that happiness could be found if my then wife would change. After the divorce, I wanted to believe that happiness would take the form of my bills being forgiven or someone else paying them. As I write all of this down, I marvel at how I’ve grown in accepting life and rejoicing in what is, not in focusing on the words if and if only.
Here is what I have learned about happiness:
How one looks will not make one more or less lovable.
There is no perfect congregation, at least in the sense of impossible ideals.
Conflict is part of life, it helps people grow.
More money usually will not make one happy because the more money one has the more one usually wants.
More stuff will not make our children or us happy.
A spouse is not responsible for one’s happiness.
Having bills and sometimes living from paycheck to paycheck and trying to figure it all out is a fact of life for many people.
This is what I think; if we are not happy with who we are, there is no amount of money that will fill the void, there is no other person who can change what is missing inside of us and life will always be less than satisfying until we can find a way to be happy, to be at peace with who and what we are. It has taken me most of my 52 years to come to terms with this truth certainty with regard to my own life. My happiness depends on me, it depends on realizing that I am loved; by God and if I’m lucky an incredible family. My happiness depends on recognizing life as a gift –all of life. Happiness depends on being content with the blessings of the day. So I wish you all a happy new year, a time where you can love and accept who you are, what you have and what you are learning. I wish you joy and peace.
Jeff, I enjoy your blog. Congrats on the weight loss. I’m taking that journey as we speak. God bless, Gary Conrad